If you just joined a box, you’re likely to have stumbled upon a whole new world. We’ve all been there, and while it may be foreign territory, there are 23 things all gym newbies to be true.
1. It’s a whole new language — HSPU, T2B, OHS, EMOM, MU, AMRAP…
Does this count as being able to speak another language?
2. You have accepted that your days of smooth hands are well behind you.
And it’s all thanks to pull-ups and barbells. You have definitely shared your torn and bloody hands on social media at least once, and a fitness-related meme relating to your wounds never goes astray.
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3. You thought that the only jerk was the person at work who leaves their dirty dishes in the sink.
You have since learned there are many types, including push jerk, clean and jerk, and split jerk.
4. There are more bruises on your body than you can count.
But it must mean you’re keeping the bar close. Good form is worth it.
5. You once wasted evenings on Facebook. Now you spend your time refreshing your WOD planner waiting for your coach to upload the next day’s workout.
You can’t go to sleep until you know what you are in for tomorrow and what outfit will be the most appropriate.
6. You wondered what Fran, Grace, Chelsea, and Isabel had done to everyone…
… only to realise they are the original functional fitness workouts.
7. You tried to avoid going to the toilet for the first month.
It’s not to train your bladder but rather because bending down burns your quads, hamstrings, and glutes. Okay, that’s a lie — it burns all your muscles.
8. You thought you misheard when your WOD partner said that they needed to shave their hands.
“Sorry, what?” Now you have your own tool for hand calluses.
9. You never thought you’d see the day when you wore a scar with so much pride.
But you bet you finished those box jumps even if they did eat your shins for breakfast.
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10. You dress the part.
Not only does this make you seem more like a pro, but you soon realise that proper shoes really do make a difference. Plus, the latest muscle tank and booty shorts really do make you feel a million bucks, especially when dripping in sweat.
11. You look forward to the day that you can do double-unders without it looking like you’ve been assaulted with a whip.
Your coach assures you that this day will come. Until then, you’ll wander around getting unusual looks from strangers.
12. The first time you saw a seven-minute AMRAP program, you thought, “Piece a cake.”
You grossly misjudged. In fact, you have come to learn that a two-minute WOD, such as Fran, will leave anyone a sweaty mess.
13. Your newfound love is chalk.
And now you know what happens when you pick a wedgie or wipe your face immediately after chalking up.
14. You started functional fitness bringing only a towel and water bottle. Now, you bring an entire bag.
You must be prepared for all movements, so you bring wrist wraps, gloves, knee wraps, your own speed rope, protein powder, tape, shoe choices, shin guards, etc. The list goes on.
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15. It’s more than a gym. It’s a community. Everyone cheers on and high fives each other.
Unlike every other gym, you actually know the names of your fellow box members (AKA your second family). Honestly, you don’t know how you’d complete a WOD without them.
16. You couldn’t understand why everyone was so nervous when Murphy was programmed.
Oddly though, you can’t wait for the day you can do it with a weighted vest too.
17. The first time you heard snatch (okay, and jerk), you giggled a little.
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18. Your pelvic floor strength was tested.
You may have accidentally wet yourself a little during double-unders. At least you now know not to skip pelvic floor exercises.
19. You immediately made friends.
No one else quite understands the grit and determination it takes to get through some WODs. Plus, you need someone to talk to about all things fitness when your partner or other friends have had enough. You find yourself asking, “Who did I hang around with before the box?”
20. That feeling when you do an Rx weight for the first time.
You search for things to top this feeling and learn that such a thing might not exist — well, perhaps until the day you do a muscle-up.
21. You now love being half-naked and have newfound body love.
Shirts off, booty shorts on. You have no time to worry about cellulite and love handles. It’s all about getting those gains and shaving seconds off your time. You even dress like this for the grocery store, because why not?
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22. Explaining functional fitness is hard.
If someone doesn’t do it, they won’t get it. However, this won’t stop you from relentlessly trying to recruit everyone to try it.
23. You likened your first Open to the Hunger Games.
You questioned everything in your life and why you were doing the Open. Not one of the WODs was in your favour. But once it was over, you felt superhuman, and now you can’t wait for your second Open to see how far you have come.
